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And They Began With a Whimper Mistakes Were Made is an online Dungeons and Dragons (DND) group consisting of 6 idiots who pretend to be able to play on a bi-weekly or monthly basis. Primarily driven from the Forgotten Realm campaign setting from the 5th edition (5e). The year is (loud squelching sound) in Red Larch. Named after the massive ancient trees that were cleared to make way for the eventual village centuries ago, it lies several days ride from nearby towns, and almost a weeks ride from Waterdeep to the south. A quiet but important stop for travelers, three roads converge on the town. Our unlikely adventurers began with a whimper; whether through wandering or some personal journey (thanks DM), they found themselves at the Swinging Sword, a cozy gaybar tavern on the bottom level. Though the bar wench (Kaylessa, really DM?) rudely ignored many of her patrons, eventually the ale began to flow freely. Everyone was really forcibly trying to get drunk on this busy Tuesday afternoon. After some rowdy shouting and book nerdery, and through some exposition force by the DM, the gang of idiots began their quest to improve the safety of Red Larch. This is the voyage of Five Idiots. Cast of Characters The primary campaign Dungeon Master (DM) is Jacob L. Our cast of terribly developed characters: The Bard - Quil Erikson The Cleric - Arcadius Bjornsson The Druid - Reika Hitre The Rogue - Twinkle Starchild The Paladin - Dirken Irongrip The Facts Were These (PLOT) Allowing for some personal trials and histories, our 5 drinking idiots began their adventure at the Swinging Sword, a gay bar in the small town of Red Larch. Kaylessa, the bright yet tragically straight bar-wench sat our heroes down and told them of rumors she had heard: Of warm winds from the west, despite the cooler weather, of persistent fogs in the Sumber Hills to the East, and of violent lightning stabbing up through the hills on clear days. Additionally, bandits were seen to the south. Though unsure, she felt that these problems had arisen recently and bode ill tidings for the small town of Red Larch. Besotted with Kaylessa and the need to 'protect' the town for some reason, our five morons banded together and vowed to explore these rumors. On the way out, they stopped at a small church for some reason and accosted the priest there. No information was gathered. It was a huge waste of time and Arc reveals his hatred of the gods. After a brief interlude at Make-out Point to the west, the band of miscreants decided (with more gossip from the bar wench) to head south to deal with a group of bandits. They easily dispatched the first group of four bandits, Arc gets a murder boner. From deft interrogation of the surviving bandit.. "TELL US WHERE YOUR HIDEOUT IS" they discovered a small cave further to the west, supposedly the camp of the bandits. The captured bandit points out that they caged a wild bear, to which Reike felt a kinship to. Twinkle immediately lopped off the arm of the captured bandit to feed the bear, her first foray into being charmingly described as 'chaotic good'. After much fuss and healing, the gang release the bear into the wild and get some loot from the encampment. They return to Red Larch to hand in the 1-armed bandit, and seek out the Constable. They were rewarded poorly for their efforts. After drinking away the night at the Swinging Sword, the gang get back to it. The constable noted that reports told of a black arrow and skull were discovered to the south stuck against a tree. After a days travel, they find the tree with the arrow and skull. The note reads, "The Last Laugh. You’ll be next! Valklondar". The adventurers have no idea what that means, Reika picks up the human-skin parchment. He has nightmares of skulls. After consulting with a priest, the scroll makes Reika a big barrel of undead-pheromone attractant. It will not be the first time the group smashes head-first into something they don't understand. Giving Up The Ghost The group then sets off to investigate rumors of a ghost. They investigate the location of the ghost from information gathered from townsperson Minny and her daughter. No poisoning of children occurs. The team head to the tomb where the child saw the ghost. The ghost is banished after quite a fight, however a second ghost shows up. Fortunately, Friendmaker the Dagger deftly removed the sheet, and the ghost was found to be no more than a half-ogre and a goblin stacked on top of each other, like Vincent Adultman. They were dispatched and some loot discovered. They returned to Red Larch with the good news. However, on their arrival, the Constable's team had discovered an etched warning to the town: "Come no closer lest you catch the disfiguring plague that afflicts me! - The Lord of Lance Rock. " The intrepid crew moved to investigate! The team heads to the cave entrance where the etching was discovered. Upon searching a corpse sitting at the mouth of the cave, the team is attacked by a zombie! And vines come out for some reason! After dispatching the surprise zombie, the team heads into the cave, a little more wary than they began. Narrowly avoiding a boulder smash trap, they notice a large boulder in the middle of the room, absolutely covered in blood. Again, zombies begin their attack in earnest (primarily targeting the trigger happy Druid, as he is still cursed by the human skin scroll). The quiet love-lorn bard gets the kill shot and is concerned. They move into an ante-chamber north, finding another pile of corpses that then animate and immediate attack. The bard, in a not-so-characteristic move, casts thunderclap and awakens the entire undead world and induces hearing damage in his compadres. After a short rest, the crew enter another larger chamber, where the strangest sight awaits them three zombies, one dressed as a bear, one in a frilly dress and makeup, and another as a jingling court jester. The mummers play continues when the party decides to again make short work of the three zombies. While exploring the trap door above, the Lord of Lance Rock screamed and boulders began to drop from the trap door. Zombies covered in tin can armor fell through the door and more zombie killing occurs. More zombies. More exploration. Finally they discover the 'lord' of Lance Rock. He was just a sniveling piece of crap who could cast level 2 spells. Twinkle becomes enthralled by a dark sigil/orb and falls under the command of some unknown force to attack her friends. She is spectacularly restrained by the powerful dwarf, and the Lord of Lance Rock was dispatched by fire. Arc the human got the cape, a cape of billowing! The group also got a glow orb and a Wand of Magic Missiles and a bunch of gold. Elderly Foul Play While resting at an inn at Red Larch, a large sinkhole suddenly opened up in the town and several children fall in. Some old-ass lady tells the group not to jump in to save the people in the sinkhole. After some sly perception, the old bitch was lying. The group finally gets the go-ahead to save the kids and woman, and they did. Concerned and curious why the village elders tried to prevent the rescue of the village people, the adventurers began to investigate. The crew split up to investigate a quarry and a conspiracy theorist's house. The conspiracy theorist noted that all the older business people seemed to be right chummy. Meanwhile... the other group finds a hidden tunnel down into the quarry. All back together, the group descends the hidden tunnel. Passing back through the sinkhole (but underground this time) they realized that these tunnels were built by dwarves. They spy a room filled with three fresh corpses. And rats. Why did it have to be rats? Luckily the Bard is now known as the Pied Piper of Red Larch and convinces a rat to follow the group. They encountered a large Dwarven statue and some loot, including an ornate dagger. They immediately are discovered by an old bald dude in workers clothes, and fail at bluffing him. The Delvers were mentioned by the old dude, and then suddenly 6 armed guards burst into the room.. 'the Bringers of Woe'. They were dispatched quickly. The old bald man gave in and divulged the weird truth: the floating stones are messages from the earth, warning of danger or describing prosperity. It sounds really cultish, as they call themselves the Believers. In another room lies a small child, restrained in punishment by large stones. The crew rescue the child. They move to the large chamber filled with monolith stones and are attacked by a weird guy in a robe. Arc destroys him in one immense spell of terrifying power. They return to get the constable of Red Larch to examine the area for evidence, and catch the 3 town elders trying to bury the dead bodies. They are arrested and the group resumes drinking and chortling. Later in the evening, outside the jailhouse, a terrible feeling came upon Arc. The elf and the human run to the jailhouse, where an assailant has just finished slicing the throats of all in the jailhouse. After some battle, the assailant was captured and the Constable recognized the killer. He was an assistant at the bar called the Helm. Latest activity Photos and videos are a great way to add visuals to your wiki. Add one below! Category:Browse